Welcome back! Today, I want to talk about something deeply personal and incredibly important: our inner voice. This is the voice that guides us, the voice that knows our truth, but often gets silenced as we grow up. Let’s explore why this happens and how we can reconnect with it.
Think back to when you were a child. Children are remarkably perceptive. They see things for what they are, and they often have an uncanny ability to sense when something isn’t right. Maybe you saw a family argument, a situation at school, or something on the news that felt wrong. You might have even spoken up about it, only to be told by a caregiver or teacher, “Hush, you don’t understand,” or “That’s just the way things are.”
As children, we depend on adults to help us make sense of the world. But when our observations and feelings are dismissed or silenced, we start to doubt our own perceptions. We learn to hush our inner voice. Society often reinforces this by valuing conformity and discouraging us from questioning the status quo.
Over time, we become so accustomed to silencing our inner voice that we lose touch with it. We grow up learning to prioritize external approval over our internal truth. By the time we’re adults, that inner voice might be just a whisper, buried under layers of doubt, fear, and conditioning.
But here’s the thing: that inner voice never truly leaves us. It’s always there, waiting patiently for us to listen. Reconnecting with it is crucial for finding our truth and living authentically. So how do we do that?
First, we need to find quiet. In our busy, noisy lives, finding a moment of silence can be challenging, but it’s essential. This quiet isn’t just about the absence of sound; it’s about creating space where we can tune out the external noise and tune into ourselves. This can be through meditation, spending time in nature, or simply sitting in stillness for a few moments each day.
As you create this quiet space, start paying attention to your feelings and thoughts without judgment. Notice when something feels off or when you feel a strong pull toward something. These are clues from your inner voice. Journaling can be a powerful tool here. Write down your thoughts and feelings, even if they seem scattered or insignificant. Over time, patterns will emerge, and you’ll begin to recognize your inner voice more clearly.
Trust is key. You need to trust that your inner voice is valid and that it has your best interests at heart. This can be difficult, especially if you’ve spent years doubting yourself. Start small. Act on a gut feeling or intuition in a low-stakes situation. As you see positive results, your confidence in your inner voice will grow.
Another important step is to challenge the societal and familial messages that have taught you to hush your inner voice. Question why you’ve been told to stay quiet. Whose interests did it serve? Often, these messages were about maintaining control or avoiding discomfort, not about what was best for you.
Surround yourself with people who respect and encourage your inner voice. Seek out relationships and communities where you feel safe to express your true self. This support system can make a huge difference as you work to reconnect with your inner voice.
Remember, this is a journey, and it takes time. You’re unlearning years of conditioning, and that doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the small victories along the way.
Let’s try a quick exercise to tune into your inner barometer. Full disclosure: I didn’t come up with this on my own. I borrowed it from John and Julie Gottman, who use it in their Gottman Method training.
Now, a lot of times, people tell me they don’t know what they want or they’re just unsure when making decisions. So, I want to give you a simple tool to help you identify your truth.
I have a puppy named Carmine—cutest little terror ever. Seriously, he’s adorable and chaotic in equal measure. For this exercise, I’m going to silently repeat to myself, “I hate puppies.” I know, it’s ridiculous, because I absolutely don’t, but pick something you really love —maybe it’s kittens, maybe it’s pineapple on pizza. Just repeat to yourself silently for 15 seconds, “I hate…..” Ready? Set? Go.
Okay, now stop. Check in with your body—notice how your belly, chest, jaw, and tongue in mouth feel. For some of us of a certain age, this might include those lovely WTF lines on your forehead. Got a mental picture of how that felt? Great. Now, let’s switch it up. For the next few seconds, silently repeat, “I love puppies,” or whatever is true for you. Ready? Set? Go.
And stop. Check in again—belly, chest, shoulders, jaw, even those forehead lines. I can’t wait to watch this back and see how my body language changed. What’s fascinating is that no matter how many times I do this, when I focus on what’s true for me (like loving puppies), my chest opens up, my face relaxes, and I can’t help but smile. I feel lighter, less tense.
What I’ve just shown you is a barometer for your truth. No one can tell you what you should like—whether it’s puppies, kittens, or tuna fish from a can. You just like what you like. What’s crucial here is that feeling of congruence—being aligned with who you are at your very core. Now you have a tool to help you notice when something feels like “I hate puppies” in your life—your body will tell you. We’ve just been taught to ignore it.
I have a theory that a lot of adult anxiety stems from being kids who saw messed-up stuff, only to have the adults around us say, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” or “You’re just being dramatic.” We learned it wasn’t safe to speak up when things didn’t fit or feel right. So, even as adults, we’re still not sure how to listen to that voice. But I hope you find the space to listen, to hear your truth. Sometimes we only need to feel seen and heard to get relief from intense distress. In each time we hold space for that little voice, that knot in our guts, we heal.
So, let’s recap. As children, we often see things that we know are messed up, but we’re told to hush our inner voice. Over time, we lose touch with that voice, but it never truly leaves us. To reconnect with it, we need to find quiet, pay attention to our feelings, trust our intuition, challenge old messages, and surround ourselves with supportive people.
Your inner voice is your guide to your truth. It’s time to start listening again. What’s one small step you can take today to reconnect with your inner voice?
Thank you for joining me today. Let’s make a commitment to listen to our inner voices and live our truth, starting now.